What do you do when your child asks you for the hundredth time (ok I exaggerate 6th time, but it feels like a hundred) 'Mum, When's tea ready?' You've answered calmly (on a good day) and given the answer, but still they are back again asking 'Mum, 'When's tea ready? When's tea ready? When's tea ready?' Did I mention that, clearly, you are already cooking the tea, you are hungry, getting hot and flustered, the cooker fan , and add in a tug on your jeans with every question? What happens next?
We all have a tipping point, the thing that pushes us over the edge, causes us to react in a way that we are far from proud of, and where parenting is concerned, usually contributing to the great big parenting GUILT trip that we give ourselves on a regular basis. Chances are that given the above scenario, the best of us will snap eventually, and maybe shout or lose our cool.
This is your REACTION... So what if I said that with only one full breath you could change that action to a RESPONSE? The difference being that, a REACTION happens before you are aware of it, there is no conscious thought and it happens immediately and is emotionally charged, whereas a RESPONSE is a choice to pause, take a breath and respond with thought and consideration, bringing a better outcome for everyone without the stress hormones and regret an instant reaction creates.
How to do it? Know your tipping point, become aware of your stress triggers, that's your starting point. Then, next time a situation arises that could become difficult, stop, take a deep breath in and out, then choose how to respond, see what happens. Forgive yourself if you miss any opportunities to practice this, try it next time. Where there is awareness there is potential for change.
About Denise
Denise Baldock is a mindfulness practitioner who supports people to bring more calm and clarity into their lives, individually and through facilitating mindful parenting groups. She is also a mum to a high spirited 6 year old girl.
May 27, 2016